Last Friday, October 30, Angel Locsin and Neil Arce made a pre-Halloween vlog about the concept of "ghosting" or the act of cutting of communication with someone without notice.
During the vlog, Angel invited actress Bea Alonzo as a special guest, calling her a "ghosting expert," which was an indirect reference to her experience of being allegedly ghosted by former boyfriend Gerald Anderson the past year. As a “ghosting expert,” Bea was there to give tips or advises with regards to moving on after a failed relationship, specifically one that involved ghosting.
"Si Bea, hindi kasi siya mapak’wento about mga ibang experience, pero ang dami kasing naglu-look up sa'yo na mga kababaihan din kasi ang ganda ng transition mo so baka p’wede ka magbigay ng mga tips kung paano bumongga pa after the heartbreak," Angel said.
"I can't believe after a year, pagtatawanan na lang natin ang ganito," Bea said.
The vlog consisted of Angel and Neil reading out moving on tips they got from the Internet and Bea will judge whether it is a good tip or not.
The first tip had something to do with social media use, wherein the ghosted person should post something online to be seen.
"Mag-post ka sa social media hindi para i-view niya kundi para sa sarili mo, kasi kung iniisip mo pa rin siya, ibig sabihin hindi mo pa rin binibigyan 'yong sarili mo ng room to move on," Bea advised.
"Nabubuhay ka pa rin para sa kanya," she added.
The second tip said one should not blame one’s self if he or she was ghosted.
"Tama 'yang tip na 'yan because ako I had to learn the hard way," Bea agreed. "It took me months bago ma-realize 'yan. [...] Nandoon 'yong mga kaibigan ko to make me realize that."
"Do not blame yourself and also surround yourself with people who empower you," she added.
Angel, then, asked Bea if her tip had any connection with the event that she was not prepared when it came to being ghosted.
"Hindi ka kasi nabigyan ng pagkakataong marinig kung ano 'yong naging mali mo o kung ano 'yong naging mali sa relasyon, kung bakit pwede na lang i-drop ng ganun," Bea replied.
"Kasi the mere fact na drinop 'yong relasyon parang ibig sabihin hindi nagma-matter...so, ramdam mo na hindi ka nagma-matter," she added.
The third tip: "Don't call or text."
"Kung parang nawala na lang ta’s sigurado ka naman na hindi ka iniwan for another person [...], siguro bigyan mo ng chance magpaliwanag kasi paano kung meron lang masamang nangyari sa kanya o kaya meron siyang pini-figure out sa sarili niya na hindi niya ma-figure out. Kailangan niya 'yong space," Bea said.
"'Pag may ibang involved, medyo huwag na lang. Huwag ka na mag-text back! Hello?" she added.
Angel asked Bea what if the person took months before he or she re-appeared.
"Provided na hindi ka ghinost for someone else. Kung hindi, sasagutin ko para lang maintindihan ko. Gagawin ko para sa sarili ko, para malaman ko bakit," Bea answered.
Neil, then, asked the two women if two people need to talk to be considered as an act of closure.
"I think that's the proper way to do it," Angel said. "But, 'pag hindi ka binigyan ng opportunity na maka-usap, alangan naman na aantayin mo 'yong opportunity na 'yon na hindi darating, 'di ba?"
For Bea, she believes closure is overrated, but having the respect to talk to a person for a break-up is important.
Neil, on the other hand, said that talking right after a break-up isn’t always advisable and that it doesn’t necessarilly means it would lead to closure.
"For me, wala kang p’wedeng sabihin na ikaka-feel better mo or wala siyang sasabihin na ikaka-feel better ko. [...] So, para sa akin, baka maka-worsen," he said.
Absorbing Neil’s thoughts, the three of them then agreed that talking for closure might give both parties false hope
"Parang feeling ko, 'pag nag-break na kayo, dapat hindi na blurred 'yong boundaries or 'yong lines n’yo sa pagiging magkaibigan," Bea added. "Mag-usap kayo pero not to the point na araw-araw kayong magkakamustahan."
The fourth tip said to keep yourself busy when it comes to work.
"Doon ko nada-divert 'yong attention ko. Sa trabaho, pero sabi nila harapin mo, 'di ba? Head on. Dapat walang distractions," Bea said.
However, when it came to the topic of "soul-searching," Bea said traveling after a break-up might lead to a "relapse" once you are back with your regular routine.
She was also against going to the house of the person who ghosted.
“Napaka-cheap ’yon,” she described, while saying that you should give yourself respect.
What is most effective for Bea was self-love.
“Once you decide to love yourself and live for yourself, not for another person, doon papasok ang growth, ang pagpapatawad, ang acceptance,” she said.
It could be recalled that "ghosting" became a trending topic after Bea opened up about her break-up with Gerald, telling members of the press that he did not even break up with her, he simply stopped talking to her.
Alonzo opened up about her love life in a vlog posted on YouTube last October. She admitted she was dating. Netizens have been linking her to actor Dominic Roque because of various sweet photos together.
Meanwhile, on October 31, a day after Bea’s appearance on Neil and Angel’s vlog, Gerald posted a photo of someone in a ghost costume in front of a cabin. Netizens immediately thought it was his response to Bea's moving-on [after being ghosted] tips.
"Nothing to see here," Gerald said on his Halloween post. "Just me chilling in front of my cabin. Happy Halloween."
In relation to that, Gerald was also a trending topic last October 28, after actress and It's Showtime host Kim Chiu was forced to like his Instagram posts as punishment for the variety show's “Mas Testing” segment.
Kim, Gerald's ex-girlfriend, jokingly made mention of Julia Barretto, whom she said might appear when she opens Gerald's account.
After the segment on It's Showtime, Julia, then, posted an Instagram photo of herself with the caption "Out here minding my own business."
The netizens thought Julia was indirectly chiding Kim Chiu.
Julia, possibly feeling misconstrued, then, changed the caption with a simple emoji of two hearts days later.