Ritz Azul may have been introduced to the public through her daring roles, but it has always been her behind-the-camera persona that made her distinctive. She had that childlike attitude and guiltless laugh, as if she were just happy to be there. But what very few people knew was that behind that façade, there was an internal conflict that was waiting to explode.
But, here she is, making hit TV shows after the other, and starring in big-budget films (the latest one being Kontradiksyon, where she shows her flair alongside actor Jake Cuenca). She’s proof that whatever doesn’t kill you—or your career—makes you stronger.
The Innocent One
Ritz was somewhere between eight to nine years old when she told herself that she would work in an office. “Bata pa lang ako, ’yon ’yong pangarap ko, sa office,” she tells pikapika. “Kasi ’yong mga magulang ko, ginawan na ako ng bank account. So nakikita ko ’yong mga teller, ‘Uy, ang amazing naman.’ Ang ganda ng suot nila, naka-aircon sila.”
But as life has many unexpected turns, the office was not where her fate would bring her. While taking up an accountancy course at the Lyceum of the Philippine University in Manila, Ritz took the fourth place in the now-defunct reality-talent show Star Factor, which aired on TV5. Soon, she was appearing on the network’s TV series, first of which was the sexy drama, Mga Nagbabagang Bulaklak. At the time, Ritz was simply trying out her luck in an industry that she was beginning to be enamored of. And because she was in awe of her newfound world, she admits that she simply agreed to everything.
It turned out to be an unhealthy habit for the then teen actress.
“Huwag sana ako masamain,” the 25-year-old actress says. “Pero kasi noon, sa roles, ganyan, parang bigay lang nag bigay. Ako naman, tanggap nang tanggap. Tama naman din ’yon for opportunity and all. Pero na-realize ko hindi pala lahat ng characters o hindi lahat ng work healthy for me—mentally and physically. Di ba, alam mo naman na nag-start ako—bilang 17 lang ako—na nakakamison na ako, pa-sexy agad. No’ng time na ’yon, okay lang. Ako wala akong kaalam-alam kasi, so siyempre go lang ako nang go, na malaki ang tiwala ko sa lahat ng taong kaharap ko.”
Immediately, the reality of the world she was in hit her hard. “Mga natatanggap ko from social media, kabastos-bastos, ganyan. Hindi ako gano’n, hindi ako ’yon, so nasasaktan din ako kahit papaano. Kahit sabihin ng ibang tao, ‘Huwag mong intindihin,’ ganiyan-ganiyan. Siyempre medyo tumatama pa rin. Na minsan hindi alam ng nanonood na iba ’yong nasa TV at iba ’yong totoong buhay, parang gano’n. So ngayon, natuto akong mag-voice-out na, ‘Guys, magkaiba ang roles sa totoong buhay.’”
It wasn’t only her TV persona that hit a nerve. A few years later, the good projects were few and far between. When her contract with TV5 was about to end, she realized that she needed to talk to her parents, whom she still considers her most reliable source of real-life wisdom.
She recalls that conversation: “Sabi nila, ‘O, mag-aral ka na baka hindi ka para sa showbiz.” And that time, she agreed with them. She had to be honest with herself. It was not the first time that she felt out of place, anyway.
“Mga natatanggap ko from social media, kabastos-bastos, ganyan. Hindi ako gano’n, hindi ako ’yon, so nasasaktan din ako kahit papaano. Kahit sabihin ng ibang tao, ‘Huwag mong intindihin,’ ganiyan-ganiyan. Siyempre medyo tumatama pa rin. Na minsan hindi alam ng nanonood na iba ’yong nasa TV at iba ’yong totoong buhay, parang gano’n. So ngayon, natuto akong mag-voice-out na, ‘Guys, magkaiba ang roles sa totoong buhay.’”—Ritz on why she went on a hiatus
“Matagal kong na-realize na-depress pala ako,” she admits. “Hindi ko alam na ’yon na ’yong pinagdadaanan ko. Na-realize ko na no’ng kinausap ko na ng masinsinan mga magulang ko. Sabi ko, ‘Napapagod ako, parang hindi ako masaya.’
“’Gusto kong umarte, pero bakit ganito ’yong nararamdaman ko? Ginagawa ko naman ’yong gusto ko pero hindi ako masaya.’ Naliwanagan ako sa mga sinasabi sa akin ng mga magulang ko. Nag-come-up kami sa isang agreement na ‘Ito, tingan natin kung gusto mo, kung saan ka masaya sabihan mo kami, gano’n parati.’ Hindi mo malalaman e, hindi mo malalaman agad na depressed ka. Hindi tulad ng kunwari colds, alam mong may sipon ka. Ang mental health o ang depression, iba. Parang siyang bigla ka na lang puputok. So mahalagang bagay na lagi mo talagang kinakausap ’yong mga taong makakaintindi.”
The way she tried to handle her depression was through eating. “Alam mo ’yong feeling na gusto mo lang sumaya? Gusto ko lang may manguya, kahit ano, nuts, junk food. Kain ako nang kain, parang stress eating.”
The coping mechanism, however, took a toll on her work: “Umabot sa tumaba ako, ’tapos lagi akong pinapagalitan na mataba na ako. Hindi nila alam na nade-depress na kasi ako, dahil din doon sa mga natatanggap ko from social media.”
The way she tried to handle her depression was through eating. “Alam mo ’yong feeling na gusto mo lang sumaya? Gusto ko lang may manguya, kahit ano, nuts, junk food. Kain ako nang kain, parang stress eating.”
And so Ritz Azul, quit showbiz—or so she tried.
She continued her accountancy course, now at Angeles University in Pampanga, her hometown. “Nasa isip na namin ng mga magulang ko, mag-aaral na ako,” she says of her decision. “After kong mag-graduate, ’yon, normal na mag-a-apply ng trabaho, ganiyan.” She got to finish an entire year, before fate came calling her back.
She explains, “Nauna akong may kausap sa GMA. Nag-guest pa ako sa Bubble Gang [gag show], ’tsaka sa Small Family [sitcom]. Akala ko sa GMA na ako tas yun nga tumawag ang ABS. Sa ABS ako tumuloy.”
Learning to Say “No”
Ritz considers herself a changed woman, especially when it comes to the decisions she makes for her career. She is no longer the naïve teenage girl who would say “yes” to everything that is handed to her.
“Mga eight years na din ang nakalipas. Siguro masasabi kong nagkaroon na ako ng knowledge, lalo na sa showbiz industry. Nalaman ko na kung ano ang tama at mali,” she assesses herself. “In short, nag-grow na ako. Kasi dati, sa umpisa, tango lang ako. Wala akong sariling opinyon. Parang na-realize ko na mali ’yon, parang hindi ako ’yong nakikita niyo. Ako ’yong nakikita niyo sa TV, sa kung saan-saan man, pero hindi ’yon ’yong nasa puso ko. ’Tapos natutunan ko na ’yong tama, na dapat mag-voice out ka rin kung ano ’yong sa ’yo, kung ano ’yong gusto mo kasi kung hindi, hindi ka sasaya. Hindi mo makukuha yung pinaka-happiness o pinaka-success na gusto mo.”
She has also been attending acting workshops to explore her career path. “Gusto ko makilala ako as a versatile actress,” she reveals.
But it’s not just her career that is slowly beginning to fall into place. She has also taken her mental health more seriously.
Before she signed a contract with ABS-CBN’s talent management arm, Star Magic, Ritz went on a hiatus, where she discovered juicing. She was in Pampanga at the time, and went on a juice cleansing diet for two weeks. “Para akong gumaan,” she remembers. “Parang bagong tao. Masaya. Payat. Haha. Pag nag-juicing ako, iba ang vibe, parang nagiging grounded ako.” She still does juicing once in a while, and she also tries to eat as healthy as possible: “Tiis-tiis ako sa junk food, tiis-tiis sa kanin, tiis-tiis sa sugar.” She also goes to the gym as often as her schedule permits. She also does boxing and runs often.
The Banana Sundae actress reveals, too—for the first time—that whenever she’s free, she goes on to live that childhood dream of working at an office. She can’t tell us much, she says, but a friend of hers who owns a business allows her to do administrative tasks for that business once in a while. “Bata pa lang kasi ako, pangarap ko na ’yon,” she reminds us.
It seems that Ritz is slowly finding her equilibrium. That childlike attitude and guiltless laugh is finally becoming a reflection of what’s inside her.
“Sobrang saya ko ngayon. Sobrang nakakatuwa, may freedom ako.”
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